Monday, October 31, 2005


Greetings, dear readers, and Happy Halloween! Today we’ll take a look at one of our scariest subjects, the frightening Pat Robertson.

Never one to shy away from hyperbole, Pat Robertson says that big changes could be afoot. In a recent interview with CNN, the outspoken televangelist pointed to the earthquake in Pakistan, the South Asian tsunami and the recent hurricanes in the United States as a sign that WHAT could be near?

A) A new era of global peace, cooperation and reconciliation
B) The Biblical “End Times” leading to Christ’s second coming
C) A nuclear attack on the U.S. from Venezuela
D) A second “great flood” to cleanse the world from sin
E) His retirement


B: The Biblical “End Times.” “These things are starting to hit with amazing regularity,” Robertson said. “I don’t have any special word that says this is that [the prelude to the End Times], but it could be suspiciously like that.” (Robertson has also recently said that a nuclear threat from Venezuela is coming soon too…he just hasn’t linked it to natural disasters – yet.)

Friday, October 28, 2005


While the debate over “Intelligent Design” rages on, CBS News recently conducted a poll to gauge how American’s view the Origins of Man. Thus, they asked more than 800 individuals whether they thought the human species was created by God in our present form, had evolved over time via natural selection (evolution), or had changed over time as guided by God.

So, can you match the belief about human origins with the percentage of Americans who hold that belief?

1) God created human beings in our present form
2) Human beings evolved over time as guided by God
3) Human beings evolved over time via natural selection, with no influence from God

A) 51 percent
B) 30 percent
C) 15 percent


1) A: 51 percent believe that God created man as he stands today.
2) B: 30 percent believe that man might have changed over the years, but it was all God’s doing.
3) C: Yes, that’s right, only 15 percent believe in the process of natural selection.

Perhaps most surprising in the survey is the fact that only 24 percent of those with a college degree or higher believe in Darwinian

Thursday, October 27, 2005

Deep in the Heart of Texas

Gay marriage — and the effort to outlaw it — has become big news in Texas, where voters will go to the polls on November 8 to cast their ballots on the controversial Proposition 2, which seeks to amend the state constitution to ban gay marriages and any other action such as “civil unions” that would give gay couples the same legal protections as married heterosexual couples.

Not surprisingly, the effort has been backed by a coalition of evangelical church groups, a Texas affiliate of James Dobson’s Focus on the Family, and the Republican Party of Texas.

Yet eyebrows were raised recently when an unexpected ally jumped into the mix, planning a rally in favor of the amendment in front of the Austin City Hall.

So, just what group is looking to support the Christian Right in this anti-gay cause?

A) The Catholic League
B) The Texas State Bar Association
C) The Texas A&M “Aggies” Marching Band and Drill Team
D) The Ku Klux Klan


D) The Ku Klux Klan, which apparently has found much common group with the Religious Right in Texas. However, not all Prop. 2 supporters are comfortable with the Klan’s involvement in their cause. Noted Pastor Ryan Rush of Bannockburn Baptist Church — apparently without a hint of irony — that he didn’t want any group that is hateful or bigoted to be a partner in his anti-gay crusade.

Wednesday, October 26, 2005

The World According to Fred

Sometimes, we’re overwhelmed with material and today is one of those days and we have controversial Christian minister Fred Phelps of the Westboro Baptist Church in Topeka, Kansas to thank. So take a minute and see if you really know this (un) American icon.

1. While discussing the recent terrorist bombings in London that killed 52 people, the God-fearing Phelps told an undercover reporter for England’s Sky Report:

A) “Mark my words, those blood-thirsty, evil terrorists will soon be punished by God Almighty for spilling innocent blood.”
B) “All Muslims have to be kicked out of the United States, period. We’re a Christian nation and we don’t have room for those Allah-lovers. If we don’t have the will to do that, there’s going to be another 9/11.”
C) “Oh I am so thankful that [the London bombings] happened. My only regret is that they didn’t kill about million of them. England deserves that kind of punishment, as does this country [America]”.

2. Several members of the Westboro Baptist Church congregation were planning to visit WHAT country because they’re certain it’s “a land of sodomy, bestiality and incest”?

A) Brazil
B) France
C) Sweden
D) Jamaica

3. And finally, Phelps says that terrorist outrages and natural disasters such as Hurricane Rita are examples of God’s wrath against countries such as America and Britain for tolerating:

A) The practice of any religion other than Christianity
B) Homosexuals and homosexuality
C) Abortion
D) Oppressive regimes around the world that turn a blind eye to human trafficking.

1. C: Yes, he really did praise the London bombings and only wished they’d done more damage. What a guy!
2. C: Sweden. Just last month, Phelps made news when the Daily Telegraph reported that the Swedish royal family were consulting lawyers after discovering that Phelps had made outrageous claims about their sexuality on the Internet.
3. B: Homosexuals and homosexuality

Tuesday, October 25, 2005

Onward Christian Soldiers

You know, from time to time, people ask us, “isn’t it hard coming up with all those questions? Sadly, it’s painfully easy — as today's quiz illustrates.

1) Lou Beres, the head of the Christian Coalition of Oregon announced he was “withdrawing from public life” a day after WHAT?

A) He was accused of sexual abuse by three female relatives.
B) He was caught masturbating in the Pussycat Theatre in downtown Salem.
C) He was arrested for suspicion of drunk driving after running a red light and rear-ending a local school bus.
D) The Christian Coalition shut down its Oregon chapter as part of a nationwide cost-cutting measure.

2) What did Philip Badowski, 23, of Chattanooga, Tenn., do after receiving a “call from God”?

A) Sell his three-bedroom home for $219,000 and give all the money to a Katrina relief charity, leaving himself homeless in the process?
B) Join the U.S. National Guard so he can fight terrorism both at home and abroad.
C) Announce to his somewhat shocked Southern Baptist minister that he was going to have a sex change operation.
D) Gunned down his parents and dismembered his mother’s body with a chain saw.


1) A: Accused of molesting three female relatives.
2) D: Shot his parents and dismembered his mother.

Sunday, October 23, 2005

Supreme Intervention

By now we’ve all heard — despite the Bush administration’s insistence that religion has NOTHING to do with it — that the Bush administration has also insisted that conservatives need not fret because Harriet Miers will do the right thing on the United States Supreme Court because she is an evangelical Christian.

But that got us wondering — just what is the religious background of the remaining eight Supreme Court justices?

While you’re correct in assuming that none of the Supreme’s are Rastafarians, Sufis, Buddhists, Muslims or Wiccans, can you match up the judge with his/her religious denomination?

1) Chief Justice John Roberts
2) Stephen Breyer
3) Ruth Bader Ginsburg
4) Anthony Kennedy
5) Antonin Scalia
6) David Souter
7) John Paul Stevens
8) Clarence Thomas

9) And for bonus points, what religious persuasion is outgoing Justice Sandra Day O’Connor?

A) Catholic
B) Episcopalian
C) Protestant
D) Jewish


1) A: Roberts is Catholic
2) D: Stephen Breyer is Jewish
3) D: Ruth Bader Ginsburg is Jewish
4) A: Anthony Kennedy is Catholic
5) A: Antonin Scalia is Catholic
6) B: David Souter is Episcopalian
7) C: John Paul Stevens is Protestant
8) A: Clarence Thomas is Catholic
9) B: Outgoing justice O’Connor is Episcopalian

Thus, for those of you keeping score (as we are), the final religious tally on the court is: Catholics 4, Jews 2, Episcopalians 1, Protestants 1, and, assuming Miers is confirmed

Friday, October 21, 2005

City of Angels?

The big news in Los Angeles these days is the release of a study by the Los Angeles Times into the scope of the sexual abuse problem within the Los Angeles Archdiocese. Until this point, trying to get an idea of the scope of the problem in L.A. has been difficult, as the church has been engaged in a lengthy legal battle to keep its internal documents on the matter secret.

So, just big of a problem has sexual abuse by the Catholic clergy been in Los Angeles? Let's find out...

1) According to the Times analysis, between 1950 and today, WHAT percentage of the Archdiocese’s 288 parishes had priests accused of sexual abuse working in them?

A) 10 percent
B) 25 percent
C) 50 percent
D) 75 percent
E) 90 percent

2) And, at the peak of the problem in 1983, WHAT percentage of diocesan priests had been accused of sexual abuse?

A) 5 percent
B) 7 percent
C) 9 percent
D) 11 percent
E) 15 percent

3) And finally, how many court claims have been filed against the Archdiocese by alleged victims of sexual abuse?

A) 260
B) 360
C) 460
D) 560


1) D: 75 percent
2) D: 11 percent (the national average hovers around 5 percent)
3) D: 560 cases and counting so far

So, what does Los Angeles Archdiocese Cardinal Roger Mahoney have to say about the Times study? No comment…

Thursday, October 20, 2005

Moore God, Moore of the Time

Greetings, dear readers. Today we are going to take you on a little trip on down to Dixie!

1) Running on a campaign promise to “acknowledge God as the sovereign source of law,” Roy Moore has thrown in his hat to run for governor of WHICH state? We’ll even give you a hint: It’s the same state he has served as state Supreme Court Chief Justice before being ousted from his post in 2003 for refusing to remove a Ten Commandment’s monument from the courthouse over which he presided.

A) Alabama
B) Arkansas
C) Mississippi
D) Georgia
E) Florida

2) If you recall, the whole Ten Commandments controversy made Roy Moore a darling of the Christian Right — and also propelled him to write his memoir on the topic, “So Help Me God.” So, just how big was that Ten Commandments monument, anyway?

A) 530 pounds
B) 1,300 pounds
C) 5,300 pounds
D) 13,300 pounds

3) And where did the monument in question finally end up?

A) The local city dump
B) A local self-storage company
C) A local church
D) Mr. Moore’s front lawn


1) A: He is running for governor of the great state of Alabama.
2) C: The monument was a whopping 5,300 pounds.
3) C: It ended up at a local church — where it belonged!

Wednesday, October 19, 2005

Playing Doctor

While Michelle Duggar in Arkansas seems to have no trouble popping out little “blessings from God,” cranking out a remarkable (if not creepy) 16 children in the past 17 years, the same may not be said for all women in the state of Indiana.

In fact, Indiana State Senator Patricia Miller has introduced legislation that would prohibit a doctor from assisting lesbian couples from having children through artificial means.

1) Under the proposed law, who else would be barred from using medical assistance to become pregnant? (Hint: There is more than one correct answer here)

A) Unmarried women
B) Women who do not participate in “faith-based or church activities.”
C) Women who have had abortions
D) Women who are not legal residents of the United States
E) Women who are registered Democrats

2) While we’re on the subject of doctors, perhaps you heard about Dr. Randall Smith, the Oregon physician who was being sued by a female patient for attempting to cure her back pain by having sex with her. But did you know that the good doctor Smith worked for a religious-backed medical group? So, which group did he work for?

A) The Adventist Medical Group
B) The Presbyterian Medical Group
C) The St. Francis Medical Group
D) The Western Baptist Medical Group
E) The Oregon Methodist Medical Group


1) A & B: That’s right, women would have to prove that they were married to a member of the opposite sex, AND regularly attended a church or participated in another faith-based organization.
2) A: The Adventist Medical Group. Let’s just hope he wasn’t “treating” his female patient on the Seventh Day – that would really be a problem!

Tuesday, October 18, 2005

School Daze

It was perhaps in an effort to move beyond its recently announced $35 million settlement of 34 sexual harassment lawsuits that the Catholic Diocese of Sacramento, Calif. instituted what can only be described as a zero-tolerance policy against 50-year-old Marie Bain, a drama teacher at the Catholic Loretto High School there, who was summarily fired after her secret life was exposed by a concerned parent. So, just what offense had Bain committed that was considered “inconsistent with her position as a teacher at a Catholic high school” that caused the Sacramento diocese to give Bain the ax?

A) Staging a production of “Jesus Christ Superstar” for the local community center’s upcoming holiday pageant
B) Having out-of-wedlock sexual relations with one of her former students
C) Volunteering at a local Planned Parenthood clinic
D) Getting a tattoo

2) Meanwhile, in the nearby town of Stockton, Calif., God was called upon to be a character witness at a local trial. The case involved 42-year-old Andrew Wright Gill, who was found guilty on 10 counts, despite the pleas of his wife, who described Gill as a good, church-going man who was an attentive father. But the judge was not impressed by neither Gill’s church-going ways nor his fatherhood skills, and sentenced the man to nearly 65 years in prison for doing WHAT?

A) Embezzling $375,000 from his church coffers
B) Running a red light while drunk and killing a 10-year-old girl
C) Assaulting a local doctor who he falsely thought had performed an abortion on his 22-year-old daughter
D) Gagging, hog tying, slapping and raping his wife while his children overheard the whole incident


1) C: Volunteering for Planned Parenthood — something she did BEFORE taking the job at the school. Seems a local parent had obtained photographs of Bain in the act of escorting a woman into the clinic.
2) D: Raping his wife while his children overheard. Gill’s wife (the one who said what a good Church-going father he was) had first reported the rape, and then changed her story. For his part, Gill said that the trial was an attempt to regulate the couple’s sex life (which apparently involved gabbing, hog-tying and slapping) and would appeal, adding “How does somebody get life for kidnapping and raping your own wife?”

Sunday, October 16, 2005

Porn Again?

Hello readers, and welcome to the first of your now DAILY “Holier Than Thou” quizzes! We hope you’ve been studying up, because from here on out, the questions will be coming to you at a fast-and-furious pace!

1) Christian churches around the nation used this past Sunday’s service to address their congregations about the evil of pornography — “we’re going to kick the devil out of it!” boasted the pastor of one rural Ohio church.

So, what did the church leaders behind the effort decide to name this day of prayer?

A) A Day of Sexual Purity and Reflection
B) The First Annual “Just Say No to Video and Internet Perversion” Sunday
C) Triple X is Not the Cross for Me!
D) National Porn Sunday

2) What can be found at

A) An online support group for Christians struggling with their attraction to pornography
B) An online catalogue for Christian-themed sex toys
C) Real life “confessions” of porn actors and actresses who have since left the business and found Christ

3) And on a related note, several families in Utah were shocked when they rented the squeaky clean Mormon film “Sons of Provo” and instead discovered WHAT playing on their TV screens?

A) “The Passion of the Christ”
B) “The Terminator”
C) “Chappelle’s Show: The Complete Second Season”
D) “Adored: Diary of a Porn Star”


1) D: National Porn Day — which, now that we think about it, may bring in a whole new group of people to church on Sunday.
2) A: A support group for Christians who struggle with pornography.
3) D: “Adored: Diary of a Porn Star.” All remaining copies were quickly taken off the shelves.

Sunday, October 09, 2005

God in Government: Quiz #10

God in Government: Quiz #10

Welcome to this week’s installment of Holier Than Thou, in which Tom DeLay acts very un-Christianly, a Supreme Court nominee is born again, George Bush goes on a “Mission from God,” and a priest goes on a shooting rampage.

So, how well have you been paying attention to the movers and the shakers of the Christian Right this week? Sharpen up your pencils and let’s find out!

1) The Christian Right was rocked last week by news that one of their leading standard bearers, Republican House Majority Leader Tom DeLay, had been indicted for money laundering and violating Texas state fund-raising rules. But, despite DeLay’s claims that “[God] is using me, all the time, everywhere, to stand up for the Biblical worldview in everything that I do,” the man who in 2002 was given the Distinguished Christian Statesman award was not always such a staunch Warrior for Christ. In fact, according to DeLay himself, when was “the first time the Lord talked to me in very meaningful terms”?

A) At a local Republican Party meeting, when someone suggested he run for the state legislature.
B) During the birth of his first son.
C) After surviving a near-fatal car crash.
D) While eating a ham and cheese sandwich on his back porch.

2) Tom DeLay also maintains that he was not fully living the good Christian lifestyle when he first arrived in Washington as a freshman congressman in 1984. In fact, DeLay confesses to doing all of the following EXCEPT WHAT when he first moved to Washington?

A) Ignoring his family
B) Staying out late
C) Gambling
D) Drinking too much

3) What did Tom DeLay do the day after the 9/11 attacks against the World Trade Towers and the Pentagon?

A) Gave his staff the day off so they could be with their families.
B) Called a meeting of his staff to tell them how they, like he, could spend eternity with God in Heaven if they followed his evangelical teachings.
C) Donated $100,000 from his personal campaign fund to the Pentagon Victims of 9/11 charity.
D) Got “good and stinking drunk.”

4) Ironically, Ronnie Earle, the Texas prosecutor who brought the indictment against Tom DeLay, ALSO claims to have God on his side. In speaking about the DeLay indictment, what Biblically inspired statement did Earle make?

A) “The root of all evil is money, especially in politics.”
B) “Thou shall not steal, even if you’re in Washington.”
C) “Mr. DeLay should stop casting stones until he himself is free of sin.”
D) “Like Judas, he [DeLay] is the great betrayer of the public trust.”

5) Meanwhile, much has been said about the evangelical roots of Harriet Miers, who President Bush nominated to the United States Supreme Court this week. Seems Miers became a born-again Christian in 1979, and now attends the evangelical Valley View Christian Church in Texas. But prior to becoming “born again,” what religion was she originally born into?

A) Judaism
B) Catholicism
C) Mormonism
D) The Church of Scientology

6) Now it’s time for Holier Than Thou’s “Quote of the Week.” Who, in noting that he would support Harriet Miers for the Supreme Court even though he had serious concerns that she might not vote to overturn Roe v Wade after all, said that he was worried that his support, “could do something to hurt the cause of Christ, and I’d rather sacrifice my life than do that…If I have made a mistake here, I will never forget it. The blood of these babies who will die will be on my hands to a degree.”

A) Televangelist Pat Robertson
B) Catholic League President Bill Donahue
C) Focus on the Family Founder James Dobson
D) Rep. Sen. Trent Lot
E) President George Bush

7) Perhaps you’ve heard about Dr. Randall Smith, the Oregon physician who was being sued by a female patient for attempting to cure her back pain by having sex with her. Dr. Smith worked for which religious-backed medical group?

A) The Adventist Medical Group
B) The Presbyterian Medical Group
C) The St. Francis Medical Group
D) The Western Baptist Medical Group
E) The Oregon Methodist Medical Group

8) And while not outright claiming that God sent Hurricane Katrina to wipe out New Orleans on purpose, Evangelist Franklin Graham (the son of and heir apparent to Bill Graham) did preach this week that “God is going to use that storm to bring revival” to New Orleans to cleanse it of ALL BUT WHICH of the following sins.

A) Practicing Voodoo
B) Satanic Worship
C) Sexual Perversions
D) Racism
E) Mardi Gras

9) Apparently, the truth doesn’t always set you free. A judge in Hudson, Wisconsin recently ruled that Rev. Ryan Erickson, a Roman Catholic priest, had brutally shot and murdered two men at a funeral home in 2002 because:

A) The funeral director suspected the priest was molesting children and planned to confront him the day of the killings.
B) The funeral director and his assistant had been embezzling money from the church.
C) The funeral director and his assistant had done a poor job of embalming the priest’s mother years earlier.
D) The priest was having an affair with the funeral director’s wife.

10) After the shooting, what did Rev. Erickson do?

A) Escaped to Mexico, where he is still believed to be at large.
B) Turned himself in to local police, only to skip bail.
C) Hanged himself in his church.
D) Was reassigned to the Vatican, where he is now fighting extradition.

11) And across the pond, former Anglican priest Reverend Graham Taylor (who has become a top-selling author of supernatural children’s books) was recently asked to leave a school in southwest England where he was delivering a talk to 12-year-old pupils after he stated that author J.K. Rowling’s famous wizard boy Harry Potter was:

A) Possessed by the devil and should be exorcised.
B) A poor example of Christian morality and J.K. Rowling books should be banned.
C) Probably being molested by Dumbledore.
D) Gay

12) And finally, a recent BBC documentary quotes Palestinian Prime Minister Abu Mazen as saying that, upon meeting President Bush for the first time in 2003, Bush declared that he was on a “mission from God,” and that God had personally instructed him to do all of the following EXCEPT WHAT:

A) Invade Afghanistan
B) Invade Iraq
C) Invade Iran
D) Create a Palestinian State


1) A: During a local Republican meeting.
2) C: Gambling
3) B: Meeting to tell his staff how they can be saved in the Biblical sense
4) A: “The root of all evil is money”
5) B: Catholic
6) C: James Dobson
7) A: Adventist Medical Group
8) D: Racism
9) A: He suspected the priest of molestation.
10) C: Hanged himself.
11) D: Harry Potter is gay. Rev. Taylor also described the villains in Rowling's blockbuster series as “wimps,” but defends himself by saying, “I didn't set out to offend. I'm a priest and I'm very careful about not offending people.”
12) C: Invade Iran

So, how well did you do?

12 to 9 correct: By displaying such a high level of academic achievement, you must have come from a godless country — like France!

8 to 5 correct: Better refocus that Mission from God you’re on.

0 to 4 correct: Congratulations! You’re now qualified to sit on the Supreme Court!

Sunday, October 02, 2005

Monkey Business: Quiz #9

Welcome to this week’s installment of Holier Than Thou, where William Bennett ponders an eyebrow-raising crime fighting strategy, a Christian hero reveals her secret weapon, God goes to court, the Christian Coalition runs out of money, and the Virgin Mary makes another exciting appearance on E-Bay!

So, how well have you been paying attention this week? Sharpen up those pencils and let’s find out!

1) Former Education Secretary William J. Bennett, vaunted media darling of the Religious Right and author of several books about leading a Christianly life including “The Book of Virtues,” recently made some controversial comments on his syndicated radio show, “Morning in America.” In a discussion with a listener about crime, Bennett said “if that were your sole purpose [to reduce crime], you could…:

A) …make prayer in elementary school mandatory for all children, regardless of their religious backgrounds, and your crime rate would go down.”
B) …force prison inmates to participate in mandatory daily Bible studies, and your crime rate would go down.”
C) …increase government spending on programs for mentoring at risk children and your crime rate would go down.”
D) …abort every black baby in this country, and your crime rate would go down.”

2) Talk about revelations! In her new book, “Unlikely Angel,” Ashley Smith, who gained national attention and became a darling of the evangelical movement last March when she was taken hostage by Atlanta courthouse gunman Brian Nichols, writes that she got Nichols to release her by talking about her faith in God and doing WHAT?

A) Speaking in tongues while they prayed together.
B) Reading passages from her diary in which she described the agony of losing her husband four years earlier.
C) Showing him the image of Jesus in her new living room carpet as a sign that God existed.
D) Digging into her illegal stash of crystal meth that Nichols then snorted.

3) Meanwhile, the big news this week surrounds the “Intelligent Design” lawsuit in Harrisburg, Pa., where a group of parents is suing the Dover school board there for inserting Intelligent Design into the ninth-grade biology curriculum. But before we look at the current legal battle, it’s important to understand previous legal precedents in this matter. So, just how long has it been since the U.S. Supreme Court overturned an Arkansas law that banned the teaching of evolution in the public schools there?

A) 1925
B) 1935
C) 1952
D) 1968
E) 1987

4) And in what year did the Supreme Court finally ban the teaching of Creationism in the public schools?

A) 1925
B) 1935
C) 1952
D) 1968
E) 1987

5) The central tenant of this so-called “Intelligent Design” theory is that life is too complex NOT to have been created by someone who knew what He was doing. How does this differ from Creationism?

A) It is built on scientific principals that are easily testable.
B) It has the support of large portions of the scientific community.
C) It is taught in schools throughout Europe.
D) It does not mention God by name.
E) It offers a thorough explanation of the process of extinction.

6) Okay, back to the current Dover controversy. If the Dover School board has its way, what is the name of the Intelligent Design textbook that the ninth grade biology students would be referred to in order to learn more about the theory:

A) “Of Pandas and People”
B) “An Alternative Origin of the Species”
C) “Man or Monkey?”
D) “On the Sixth Day”

7) The pro-Intelligent Design argument in the Dover case is being argued by the Thomas Moore Law Center, a powerful non-profit Christian law firm founded by the founder of WHAT fast-food chain?

A) Quiznos
B) Dominos
C) In-n-Out Burger
D) Krispy Kreme

8) While we’re on the topic of schools and Christian principles, why did the Ontario Christian School in Southern California expel 14-year-old Shay Clark?

A) She was pregnant.
B) She refused to say the phrase “under God” while reciting the Pledge of Allegiance.
C) Her parents are lesbians.
D) She got an F in her Bible Studies class.
E) She was overheard saying “God damn” on the playground during lunch.

9) As a way to bring more people the Good News of Jesus Christ and save some souls, Reverend Michael Hinton, a Church of England Vicar, has recently unveiled:

A) An ultra-condensed edition of the Bible that can be read in just over an hour and a half.
B) A Jesus Christ doll that recites the tenets of Christianity when squeezed.
C) A drive-thru window at his church where commuters can receive a quick dose of Christian fellowship.
D) A virtual baptism, where would-be Christians can have their souls cleansed online without the fuss and muss of actual submersion in water.

10) The mayor of the small Colorado town of Ramah recently apologized to the Secret Garden Coven, a group of about a dozen pagans, for the local Baptist minister’s attempts to rally the town to stop the group’s upcoming Halloween-related festival and fundraiser at the city’s American Legion Hall. Just what is the Secret Garden Coven trying to raise funds for?

A) A trip to the annual American Satanists United convention in Las Vegas.
B) A publicity campaign to save the TV series “Charmed” from cancellation.
C) Planned Parenthood
D) The American Civil Liberties Union
E) St. Jude’s Children’s Research Hospital

11) Speaking of fund raising, what did Ramon Godinez, the Roman Catholic Bishop of Aquascalientes in Mexico, do when the church was offered alms from known drug traffickers?

A) Turned it away as “blood money.”
B) Called local authorities to have the drug traffickers arrested.
C) Accepted the money as a way to “purify” it.

12) Pass the collection plate. The Christian Coalition, the Evangelical political movement founded by Pat Robertson, has fallen on hard times and is having trouble paying its bills. This past June, Pitney Bowes filed a civil suit against the group seeking $13,000 in unpaid bills for what?

A) Postage
B) Copier toner
C) Mailing envelopes
D) Letterhead

13) And while we’re on the subject of the Christian Coalition, it wasn’t that long ago that the group paid $300,000 to its employees to settle a lawsuit accusing the group of what?

A) Placing listening devices in the headquarters break room.
B) Forcing black staffers to use a separate entrance at its headquarters.
C) Failing to install handicapped access ramps at its headquarters.
D) Invasion of privacy

14) Get out your credit card! E-Bay shoppers were all abuzz last week as an image of the Virgin Mary seen in WHAT was offered for sale?

A) A baked ham
B) A sonogram of an 8-week old embryo
C) A piece of plywood that helped to shield a Biloxi, Miss., home from Hurricane Katrina.
D) A grass-stained football uniform of a Texas Christian University player after the team unexpectedly beat longtime rival Oklahoma.

15) How much did the item ultimately sell for?

A) $14
B) $79.25
C) $129.50
D) $553


1) D: Bennett went on to call aborting all black babies “an impossible, ridiculous and morally reprehensible thing to do, but your crime rate would go down. So these far-out, these far-reaching, extensive extrapolations are, I think, tricky.” Tricky is one word for it, Bill.
2) D: Crystal meth. Smith, who says she quit using drugs after her ordeal, did not bother to share that detail with the authorities.
3) D: 1968
4) E: 1987
5) D: Does not mention “God” by name
6) A: “Of Pandas and People”
7) B: Dominos
8) C: Her parents are lesbians. However, school officials say she could have remained enrolled if one of her parents were heterosexual.
9) A: Titled the “100 Minute Bible,” the book claims to neatly summarize every teaching from the Creation to the Revelation.
10) E: St. Jude’s
11) C: Accepted it
12) A: Unpaid postage
13) B: Separate entrance for black employees
14) B: Sonogram
15) C: $129.50

So, how well did you do this week?

15-10 correct answers: You’re so smart, that you could probably read that Bible in 85 minutes, tops!

9-5 correct answers: Been reading “Of Pandas and People” again, haven’t you?

4-0 correct answers: Sorry, but we fear you’re a good example of how not all of God’s creatures were designed intelligently!