Sunday, October 09, 2005

God in Government: Quiz #10

God in Government: Quiz #10

Welcome to this week’s installment of Holier Than Thou, in which Tom DeLay acts very un-Christianly, a Supreme Court nominee is born again, George Bush goes on a “Mission from God,” and a priest goes on a shooting rampage.

So, how well have you been paying attention to the movers and the shakers of the Christian Right this week? Sharpen up your pencils and let’s find out!

1) The Christian Right was rocked last week by news that one of their leading standard bearers, Republican House Majority Leader Tom DeLay, had been indicted for money laundering and violating Texas state fund-raising rules. But, despite DeLay’s claims that “[God] is using me, all the time, everywhere, to stand up for the Biblical worldview in everything that I do,” the man who in 2002 was given the Distinguished Christian Statesman award was not always such a staunch Warrior for Christ. In fact, according to DeLay himself, when was “the first time the Lord talked to me in very meaningful terms”?

A) At a local Republican Party meeting, when someone suggested he run for the state legislature.
B) During the birth of his first son.
C) After surviving a near-fatal car crash.
D) While eating a ham and cheese sandwich on his back porch.

2) Tom DeLay also maintains that he was not fully living the good Christian lifestyle when he first arrived in Washington as a freshman congressman in 1984. In fact, DeLay confesses to doing all of the following EXCEPT WHAT when he first moved to Washington?

A) Ignoring his family
B) Staying out late
C) Gambling
D) Drinking too much

3) What did Tom DeLay do the day after the 9/11 attacks against the World Trade Towers and the Pentagon?

A) Gave his staff the day off so they could be with their families.
B) Called a meeting of his staff to tell them how they, like he, could spend eternity with God in Heaven if they followed his evangelical teachings.
C) Donated $100,000 from his personal campaign fund to the Pentagon Victims of 9/11 charity.
D) Got “good and stinking drunk.”

4) Ironically, Ronnie Earle, the Texas prosecutor who brought the indictment against Tom DeLay, ALSO claims to have God on his side. In speaking about the DeLay indictment, what Biblically inspired statement did Earle make?

A) “The root of all evil is money, especially in politics.”
B) “Thou shall not steal, even if you’re in Washington.”
C) “Mr. DeLay should stop casting stones until he himself is free of sin.”
D) “Like Judas, he [DeLay] is the great betrayer of the public trust.”

5) Meanwhile, much has been said about the evangelical roots of Harriet Miers, who President Bush nominated to the United States Supreme Court this week. Seems Miers became a born-again Christian in 1979, and now attends the evangelical Valley View Christian Church in Texas. But prior to becoming “born again,” what religion was she originally born into?

A) Judaism
B) Catholicism
C) Mormonism
D) The Church of Scientology

6) Now it’s time for Holier Than Thou’s “Quote of the Week.” Who, in noting that he would support Harriet Miers for the Supreme Court even though he had serious concerns that she might not vote to overturn Roe v Wade after all, said that he was worried that his support, “could do something to hurt the cause of Christ, and I’d rather sacrifice my life than do that…If I have made a mistake here, I will never forget it. The blood of these babies who will die will be on my hands to a degree.”

A) Televangelist Pat Robertson
B) Catholic League President Bill Donahue
C) Focus on the Family Founder James Dobson
D) Rep. Sen. Trent Lot
E) President George Bush

7) Perhaps you’ve heard about Dr. Randall Smith, the Oregon physician who was being sued by a female patient for attempting to cure her back pain by having sex with her. Dr. Smith worked for which religious-backed medical group?

A) The Adventist Medical Group
B) The Presbyterian Medical Group
C) The St. Francis Medical Group
D) The Western Baptist Medical Group
E) The Oregon Methodist Medical Group

8) And while not outright claiming that God sent Hurricane Katrina to wipe out New Orleans on purpose, Evangelist Franklin Graham (the son of and heir apparent to Bill Graham) did preach this week that “God is going to use that storm to bring revival” to New Orleans to cleanse it of ALL BUT WHICH of the following sins.

A) Practicing Voodoo
B) Satanic Worship
C) Sexual Perversions
D) Racism
E) Mardi Gras

9) Apparently, the truth doesn’t always set you free. A judge in Hudson, Wisconsin recently ruled that Rev. Ryan Erickson, a Roman Catholic priest, had brutally shot and murdered two men at a funeral home in 2002 because:

A) The funeral director suspected the priest was molesting children and planned to confront him the day of the killings.
B) The funeral director and his assistant had been embezzling money from the church.
C) The funeral director and his assistant had done a poor job of embalming the priest’s mother years earlier.
D) The priest was having an affair with the funeral director’s wife.

10) After the shooting, what did Rev. Erickson do?

A) Escaped to Mexico, where he is still believed to be at large.
B) Turned himself in to local police, only to skip bail.
C) Hanged himself in his church.
D) Was reassigned to the Vatican, where he is now fighting extradition.

11) And across the pond, former Anglican priest Reverend Graham Taylor (who has become a top-selling author of supernatural children’s books) was recently asked to leave a school in southwest England where he was delivering a talk to 12-year-old pupils after he stated that author J.K. Rowling’s famous wizard boy Harry Potter was:

A) Possessed by the devil and should be exorcised.
B) A poor example of Christian morality and J.K. Rowling books should be banned.
C) Probably being molested by Dumbledore.
D) Gay

12) And finally, a recent BBC documentary quotes Palestinian Prime Minister Abu Mazen as saying that, upon meeting President Bush for the first time in 2003, Bush declared that he was on a “mission from God,” and that God had personally instructed him to do all of the following EXCEPT WHAT:

A) Invade Afghanistan
B) Invade Iraq
C) Invade Iran
D) Create a Palestinian State


1) A: During a local Republican meeting.
2) C: Gambling
3) B: Meeting to tell his staff how they can be saved in the Biblical sense
4) A: “The root of all evil is money”
5) B: Catholic
6) C: James Dobson
7) A: Adventist Medical Group
8) D: Racism
9) A: He suspected the priest of molestation.
10) C: Hanged himself.
11) D: Harry Potter is gay. Rev. Taylor also described the villains in Rowling's blockbuster series as “wimps,” but defends himself by saying, “I didn't set out to offend. I'm a priest and I'm very careful about not offending people.”
12) C: Invade Iran

So, how well did you do?

12 to 9 correct: By displaying such a high level of academic achievement, you must have come from a godless country — like France!

8 to 5 correct: Better refocus that Mission from God you’re on.

0 to 4 correct: Congratulations! You’re now qualified to sit on the Supreme Court!


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