School Daze

It was perhaps in an effort to move beyond its recently announced $35 million settlement of 34 sexual harassment lawsuits that the Catholic Diocese of Sacramento, Calif. instituted what can only be described as a zero-tolerance policy against 50-year-old Marie Bain, a drama teacher at the Catholic Loretto High School there, who was summarily fired after her secret life was exposed by a concerned parent. So, just what offense had Bain committed that was considered “inconsistent with her position as a teacher at a Catholic high school” that caused the Sacramento diocese to give Bain the ax?


A) Staging a production of “Jesus Christ Superstar” for the local community center’s upcoming holiday pageant
B) Having out-of-wedlock sexual relations with one of her former students
C) Volunteering at a local Planned Parenthood clinic
D) Getting a tattoo


2) Meanwhile, in the nearby town of Stockton, Calif., God was called upon to be a character witness at a local trial. The case involved 42-year-old Andrew Wright Gill, who was found guilty on 10 counts, despite the pleas of his wife, who described Gill as a good, church-going man who was an attentive father. But the judge was not impressed by neither Gill’s church-going ways nor his fatherhood skills, and sentenced the man to nearly 65 years in prison for doing WHAT?

A) Embezzling $375,000 from his church coffers
B) Running a red light while drunk and killing a 10-year-old girl
C) Assaulting a local doctor who he falsely thought had performed an abortion on his 22-year-old daughter
D) Gagging, hog tying, slapping and raping his wife while his children overheard the whole incident



ANSWERS:

1) C: Volunteering for Planned Parenthood — something she did BEFORE taking the job at the school. Seems a local parent had obtained photographs of Bain in the act of escorting a woman into the clinic.
2) D: Raping his wife while his children overheard. Gill’s wife (the one who said what a good Church-going father he was) had first reported the rape, and then changed her story. For his part, Gill said that the trial was an attempt to regulate the couple’s sex life (which apparently involved gabbing, hog-tying and slapping) and would appeal, adding “How does somebody get life for kidnapping and raping your own wife?”