The Lord Is My Hitman: Quiz #4

Welcome to this week’s installment of Holier Than Thou, in which Pat Robertson loses his mind, we remember all the OTHER times Pat Robertson has lost his mind, and we recall how a famous Pat Robertson supporter lost his own mind, AND (as if that’s not enough), nuns go wild in Germany, and the BTK killer shares his plans for heaven…

So, how good is your CQ this week? Let’s find out.
(ANSWERS BELOW)


1) Pat Robertson might be the founder of the Christian Coalition, a past presidential candidate and perhaps the highest profile evangelical televangelist in the country, but he’s also apparently a keen geopolitical strategist. What foreign political dignitary did he recently suggest the United States assassinate?

a) United Nations Secretary-General Kofi Annan
b) Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez
c) Syrian President Bashar Assad
d) Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmedinejad
e) French Prime Minister Dominique de Villepin


2) But lest ye be lulled into believing that this was an isolated political faux pas, the record shows quite to the contrary. For example, a bit closer to home, which unit of the U.S. government has Pat Robertson suggested using a “small nuke” against?

a) The State Department
b) The Internal Revenue Service
c) The U.S. Supreme Court
d) The National Endowment for the Arts
e) The Bureau of Indian Affairs


3) And while we’re STILL on the subject of Pat Robertson, what Godly retribution did he NOT suggest would befall the city of Orlando, Fla., for that city’s celebration of National Gay Pride Month back in 1998?

a) A hurricane
b) A tornado
c) An earthquake
d) A blizzard
e) A meteor
f) A terrorist bomb


4) And more recently, what group of American’s did Pat Robertson recently suggest be kept from holding top positions in the federal government, including judgeships?

a) Atheists
b) Jews
c) Muslims
d) Animists
e) Gays


5) Pat Robertson’s television show, “The 700 Club,” on which he made his now-dubious assassination threat, airs on which network?

a) PAX
b) The Trinity Broadcasting Network
c) Nick at Nite
d) ABC Family
e) The Cartoon Network


6) When Pat Robertson is not using the “700 Club” to threaten to assassinate foreign dignitaries, he’s using it to hawk what self-made, for-profit consumer product?

a) Pat’s Age-Defying Shake
b) Pat’s Heaven Help Us Congressional Voting Guide
c) Pat’s Happy Slumber Funeral Home
d) Pat’s Spread-the-Lord’s Word Karaoke Machine
e) Pat’s Dead-Eye Deer Rifle


7) In the 1990s, one of Pat’s most ardent supporters found himself in a bit of trouble too. Beverly Russell, a prominent Republican and Christina Coalition activists, publicly confessed that while working on Pat’s 1988 presidential campaign, he was regularly engaged in an illegal activity. So, what did Mr. Russell confess to doing after a long day of hanging “Pat Robertson for President” signs around his hometown?

a) Snorting cocaine
b) Beating his wife
c) Committing incest with his teenaged stepdaughter
d) Burning crosses on the lawns of Jewish families


8) OK, so we’ll give away the answer to the above question now by asking you, who was the step daughter that Mr. Russell was having incest with?

a) Susan Smith, who became infamous a few years later for drowning her children by driving her car into a lake.
b) Aileen Wuornos, who became infamous a few years later for being one of the few female serial killers in the country’s history.
c) Lorena Bobbitt, who became infamous a few years later for cutting off her husband’s penis.
d) Clara Harris, who became infamous a few years later for running over her husband with her Mercedes-Benz


9) OK, enough of Pat Robertson. In other news this week, Belgian nun Johanne Vertommen was reprimanded by her mother superior for doing WHAT with a missionary during celebrations at the recent Catholic World Youth Day in Germany?

a) Drinking beer
b) Smoking cigarettes
c) Dancing
d) Having sex
e) Wearing lederhosen


10) Looking ahead to Catholic Church’s World Youth Day 2008, what has the city of Sydney, Australia, asked Mel Gibson to do as part of the festivities if the city is chosen to host the event?

a) Recreate the Last Supper
b) Recreate the Crucifixion
c) Recreate Jesus’ birth
d) Recreate the Immaculate Conception
e) Autography DVD’s of “The Passion of the Christ: Fifth Anniversary Edition.”


11) What does Pope Benedict XVI want to see more of in public buildings?

a) Bibles
b) Ten Commandment monuments
c) Crucifixes
d) His photo


12) Always a Good Christian with his eyes on heaven, BTK killer Dennis Rader, one-time president of his Lutheran Church, told investigators that he had “after-life” plans for several of his female victims. Those roles included which TWO of the following:

a) To be his mother
b) To be his wife
c) To be his mistress
d) To be his bondage servant
e) To be his Sunday School teacher
f) To be his nurse


13) Why did BTK killer Dennis Rader take his 53-year-old neighbor Marine Hedge to the Christ Lutheran Church where he had once been its president?

a) To pray with her
b) To serve her his “famous” potato salad at the church’s pot-luck
c) To give her the “last rites”
d) To kill her
e) To photograph her dead body in bondage positions


14) And finally, in perhaps the ultimate “Battle of the Gods,” researchers for Duke University Medical Center recently conducted a study into the potential power of prayer to heal the sick. Thus, they asked members of Christian, Muslim, Jewish and Buddhist congregations to pray over different groups of hospital patients, and compared the results of their healing to a group of patients who had no one praying for them. At the end of the study, the results were conclusive. So, which group healed the best?

a) Christian
b) Muslim
c) Jewish
d) Buddhist
e) No prayer
f) There was no difference between any of the groups, and no group did better than the “no prayer” control group.




ANSWERS

1) B
2) A
3) D
4) C
5) D
6) A
7) C
8) A
9) C
10) B
11) C
12) C and D
11) E
12) F


So, how did you do?
12 to 10 correct answers: You’ve just been chosen by God to kill Chavez yourself!
9-7: Not bad – do a little dirty dancing with a nun yourself.
6-0: Better spend more time studying, and less time placing “Pat Robertson for President” posters around your hometown

Wait ’Til Your Father Gets Home: Quiz #3

Welcome to today’s quiz, in which we discuss the role of fatherhood in the Catholic priesthood, check in on our Catholic friends overseas, and get a quick lesson on what the Warriors for Christ are doing in the War on Terror.

So, how good is your CQ this week? Let’s find out.
(ANSWERS BELOW)


Whether to ease the celibacy requirements for Catholic priests has been a controversial Church issue in recent years, although apparently not for these men of the cloth. Please match the priest to their somewhat-less-than-celibate activities.
1) Father Arturo Uribe of Whittier, Calif.
2) Father John Lenihan of Orange County, Calif.
3) Monsignor Eugene Clark of Westchester County, New York.
4) Rev. James Poole of Nome, Alaska

a) Fathered a child out of wedlock while a seminary student and recently used a “vow of poverty” defense to keep from increasing his child-support payments for his now-ill 12-year-old son.
b) Started having sex with a female congregant when she was 14-years-old, got her pregnant at 16, then told her to get an abortion.
c) Resigned his post after being named as “the other man” in a divorce case filed by the husband of his 46-year-old personal secretary.
d) When a 13-year-old congregant confided in him that she was being abused by her stepfather, he responded by molesting the girl himself, both inside his church and at the Catholic radio station he founded.


5) The Vatican recently suspended the beatification of French priest Rev. Leon Dehon because of allegations that the priest, who founded the Sacred Heart of Jesus order, was actually…

a) A sexual abuser
b) An anti-Semite
c) A cross-dresser
d) French


6) Romanian Orthodox Monk Daniel Petru Corogeanu was indicted for allegedly killing a 23-year-old nun during an exorcism. Which of the following did he NOT do to her during the procedure?

a) Bind her to a cross
b) Put a thorn crown on her head
c) Stuff a towel in her mouth
d) Starve her for three days


7) How many of Monk Corogeanu’s nuns were arrested for their own roles in this exorcism-gone-wrong?

a) One
b) Two
c) Three
d) Four


8) What did Connie Morris, member of Kansas’ Board of Education, call “a fairy tale”?

a) Evolution
b) The Separation of Church and State
c) The Holocaust
d) The Immaculate Conception


9) Which of the following documentaries was NOT barred by various theaters and museums throughout the Bible Belt for suggesting that the Universe is the product of a “Big Bang” or that life on earth probably originated in the oceans?

a) “Cosmic Voyage”
b) “Volcanoes of the Deep Sea”
c) “Galapagos”
d) “The Privileged Planet: The Search for Purpose in the Universe.”


10) At a June 15 prayer breakfast before Hispanic lawmakers, what did President Bush say is “the strength of America”?

a) The U.S. military
b) Democracy
c) Prayer
d) Ethnic diversity
e) The American people


11) Captain Melinda Morton, a chaplain at the U.S. Air Force Academy, says she was fired from her post as executive officer of the chaplaincy corps there because of her criticism of:

a) The war in Iraq
b) Desecration of the Koran at Guantanamo Bay
c) The treatment of women at the Academy
d) The power of evangelicals at the Academy


12) Cadets at the U.S. Air Force Academy who did not attend after-dinner chapel services were singled out and marched back to their dorms in what was know as:

a) “The Heathen Flight”
b) “The Passion of the Christ”
c) “The Hell March”
d) “The Expulsion from the Garden of Eden”


13) A flier posted at the headquarters for the California National Guard in Sacramento suggested WHICH technique for keeping Islamic terrorists out of heaven?

a) Dressing them in women’s lingerie
b) Shooting them with bullets dipped in pig’s blood
c) Stripping them naked and forcing them into homoerotic poses
d) Shaving their beards
e) Putting dog leashes around their neck

14) How did Rep. Tom Tancredo, R-Colo., suggest the country respond if Islamic terrorists used nuclear weapons in the United States?

a) Deport all immigrants of Islamic descent
b) Invade Iran
c) “Regime Change” in Pakistan
d) Bomb Mecca



ANSWERS:
1) A
2) B
3) C
4) D
5) B (He wrote that the Talmud was the “manual of the bandit, of the corruptor, of the soul destroyer.”)
6) B
7) D
8) A
9) D (This documentary is a proponent of “Intelligent Design,” not evolution.)
10) C
11) D
12) A
13) B
14) D

Politics from the Pulpit: Quiz #2

Welcome to today’s quiz, in which the Christian Right lays out its political objectives. We’ll learn how much it costs to buy a Vatican spy and about the man behind the FDA’s battle against the Morning After Pill.

So, how good is your CQ this week? It’s time to find out.
(ANSWERS ARE BELOW)



Match the Christian activist to his position on the pressing political issues of the day:
1) Moral Majority Founder Jerry Falwell:
2) Focus on the Family Founder James Dobson:
3) Ohio Restoration Project leader and First Christian Church of Canton, Ohio, Pastor Russell Johnson:
4) The Rev. Fred Phelps of the Westboro Baptist Church of Topeka, Kan.:

a) Urges his followers to “Vote Christian in 2008.”
b) Compares embryonic stem cell research to Nazi experiments on Holocaust victims.
c) Complains that public schools fail to teach that Hitler was an “avid evolutionist.”
d) Proclaims that, per the Bible, like murders, homosexuals should face the death penalty too.


While we are on the subject of the Fred Phelps of the Westboro Baptist Church of Topeka, Kan., complete the following statements that the Good Reverend has made relating to the Holocaust…
5) “Whatever righteous cause the Jewish victims of the 1930s-40s Nazi Holocaust had…”
6) “The American Jews…”
7) “The only true Jews…”
8) “The only true Nazis in this world…”

a) “…has been drowned in sodomite semen.”
b) “…are the real Nazis.”
c) “…are Christians.”
d) “…are fags.”


And while we are STILL on the subject of the Rev. Fred Phelps of the Westboro Baptist Church of Topeka, Kan., complete the following statements he has made about his fellow Christians…
9) “The Episcopal Church USA…”
10) “Topeka’s sodomite Mexican Catholic Church…
11) “Apostate Methodism…”
12) “Southern Baptists and Assembly of God churches…

a) “…is a cesspool of sodomite sin and crime.”
b) “…worship(s) bloody rectums.”
c) “…is being cursed by God in sending them sodomite heretics as pastors.”
d) “…are as much to blame as the out of the closet fag churches.”


13) Roman Catholic Priest Michael Sklucazek of St. Paul, Minn., denied Communion to more than 100 people on Pentecost Sunday because they were wearing:

a) T-shirts
b) Miniskirts
c) Rainbow-colored sashes
d) Yellow ribbons


14) According to recently released documents from the Polish government, Rev. Konrad Stanislaw Hejmo, a Polish priest and top member of the late Pope Joun Paul II’s entourage, regularly disclosed information on the Vatican with members of Communist Poland’s intelligence service in exchange for which TWO of the following:

a) A fancy Paris apartment
b) A BMW 320i
c) $12,500 in cash
d) Keeping details of his sexual past hidden from Vatican officials
e) Bottles of booze


15) In an effort to provide financial assistance to the devastated family of Dennis Rader, confessed BTK killer and past president of his Lutheran Church, Michelle Borin recently purchased the Rader home at auction for $30,000 over its accessed value. What is this Good Samaritan’s profession?

a) Pastor
b) Nursery school teacher
c) Church secretary
d) Strip club owner


16) Jeremy Kratzer and Ricky “Chase” Hobbs were recently sentenced to nearly two years in federal prison for burning a cross in the backyard of Deborah Edwards and her four children in an effort to drive them out of their predominantly white North Carolina neighborhood. What day did they carry out their attack?

a) New Years Day
b) Christmas Eve
c) Christmas Day
d) Easter
e) The Fourth of July


17) Greg Bess, a 41-year-old coal-mining contractor who plead guilty in 2001 to his role in a cross burning at the residence of the mother of a two-year-old biracial child, recently ran for mayor of Pratt, West Virginia. He came in:

a) First
b) Second
c) Third
d) Fourth


18) A sign in front of the Danieltown Baptist Church in recently read:
a) “Love the Sinner, Hate the Sin.”
b) “AIDS Kills Fags Dead.”
c) “The Koran Needs to be Flushed.”
d) “Jesus Saves, But Gretzy Scores on the Rebound.”


19) Which of the following can be said about Dr. W. David Hager, a prominent OB/GYN and George W. Bush-appointed board member of the Advisory Committee for Reproductive Health Drugs at the FDA who, as an Evangelical Christian, has played a key role in the successful fight against granting over-the-counter status to the “Morning After Pill.” He wrote a book suggesting women should seek relief from headaches and PMS by reading the scriptures more.
TRUE or FALSE?


20) Dr. Hager refuses to prescribe contraceptives to his unmarried female clients.
TRUE or FALSE?


21) Dr. Hager’s ex-wife, Linda Carruth Davis, says that the good doctor would pay her up to $2,000 in exchange for oral sex, and often videotaped their sexual encounters.
TRUE or FALSE?


22) Ms. Davis (who considers herself a religious conservative) says that Dr. Hager repeatedly and coercively sodomized her over the course of their marriage.
TRUE or FALSE?


23) Ms. Davis (now happily remarried to a Methodist minister) says that Dr. Hager justified his unwanted sodomizing activities by explaining that it was an unintentional bedroom accident — that he simply couldn’t feel the difference between vaginal and anal penetration.
TRUE or FALSE?


24) In giving a recent sermon to supporters at Asbury College in Kentucky, Dr. Hager blamed the breakup of his marriage to Ms. Davis on: “Time spent ‘doing God’s will.’”
TRUE or FALSE?


1) A
2) B
3) C
4) D
5) A
6) B
7) C
8) D
9) A
10) B
11) C
12) D
13) C
14) C and E
15) D (She’s the owner of Michelle’s Beach House)
16) D
17) B
18) C
19) TRUE
20) TRUE
21) TRUE
22) TRUE
23) TRUE
24) TRUE

In the Beginning: Quiz #1

Welcome to the premiere installment of Holier Than Thou, your weekly quiz to how well you’ve been keeping up with what the Religious Right is really up to.

Now that we’ve established a few ground rules, it’s time for you test your CQ — your Christian Quotient.

While our “religious” friends might be wrapping themselves up nice and snug in the cloak of moral and spiritual superiority, their actions tell quite a different story.

Just how well have these Warriors for Christ been practicing what they preach? And how well have you been keeping up with what they are really up to?

It’s time to find out:
(ANSWERS ARE BELOW)


All work and no play makes Jack a dull Christian. Match these Warriors for Christ with their specific hobbies and extra-curricular activities.
1) Dennis Rader, former president of the Christ Lutheran Church congregation in Wichita, Kan.
2) Edgar Ray Killen, Baptist minister from Philadelphia, Miss.
3) Salvation Army Staff Maj. David Taube of Janesville, Wis.
4) Martin Jackson, a pastor in Louisville, Ky.
5) Carlos Valverde Romero, a minister in National City, Calif.

a) Foot Fetishist, who was arrested for kidnapping a woman, tying her to his bed, then stroking her feet.
b) Amateur Photographer, who was caught e-mailing pornographic photos of himself to a Florida detective posing as a 14-year old boy on the Internet.
c) Ku Klux Klan Leader, who recently was convicted of manslaughter in the killings of three Civil Rights workers in 1964.
d) Serial Killer, who eluded capture for 30-plus years under the “BTK” moniker.
e) Community Outreach Volunteer, who was convicted coercing women to have sex with by telling them it would protect them from the devil.


Match these Lambs of God with their arrests and/or criminal charges:
6) Sister Marilu Covani, a nun in Cherry Valley, Calif.
7) Jeffrey Devore, minister at the Brea Congregational Church in Calif.
8) “Born Again Virgin” and “Runaway Bride” Jennifer Wilbanks of Gainsville, Ga.
9) Bobby Sauls, Chief of the Sebree (Kentucky) Police Department and congregant of the General Baptist Church.
10) Warren Jeffs, President of the Fundamental Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints.

a) Sexual contact with a minor
b) Felony hit and run
c) Sending child pornography over the Internet
d) Conspiracy to produce methamphetamine
e) Making false statements to the police about being abducted and raped


Perhaps Jesus shouldn’t have kicked the moneychangers out of the temple after all — the Catholic Church could use their skills to deal with the flood of sexual abuse lawsuits they’ve been hit with. Match the Roman Catholic Diocese with the sexual abuse lawsuit settlement:
11) San Francisco
12) Stockton, Calif.
13) Orange County, Calif.
14) Lexington and Covington, Kentucky
15) Boston.

a) $21 million to settle 15 cases
b) $3 million to settle 1 case
c) $100 million to settle 87 cases
d) $120 million to settle more than 100 cases
e) $85 million to settle 552 cases


16) The Archdioceses of Boston is considering a proposal to keep priests working after retirement and to have them pay for their own nursing homes after announcing a $55 million shortfall in its pension fund. The church blamed the shortfall on which TWO of the following:

a) The high cost of sexual abuse lawsuits
b) The larger-than-expected number of retired priests
c) The longer-than-expected life spans of retired priests
d) A poor investment strategy
e) A dwindling take at the collection plate following the Boston Red Sox 2004 World Series Victory


17) Sen. Rick Santorum, R-Pa., wrote in a July 2002 column for Catholic Online, that the reason there were so many cases of clergy abuse in Boston was because of that city’s:

a) Large Catholic population
b) Large Irish population
c) Liberal politics
d) Corrupt politicians


18) Why did Bethany Christian Services adoption agency reject Sandy and Robert Steadman’s adoption request?

a) Because the couple was gay
b) Because the couple had a child who was gay
c) Because the couple was Jewish
d) Because the couple was Catholic
e) Because the couple were registered democrats


19) While still a Cardinal, Pope Benedict XVI said this children’s book can “deeply distort Christianity in the soul, before it can grow properly.” Which book was he referring to?

a) Harry Potter
b) The Cat in the Hat
c) Where the Wild Things Are
d) Everybody Poops


20) Demonstrators from the Westboro Baptist Church in Topeka, Kan., recently traveled to Marblehead, Mass. to stage a noisy protest at the funeral for Army Staff Sgt. Christopher Piper, who was killed fighting in Afghanistan. What were they protesting?

a) The administrations policies in Iraq, which they blame for the staff sergeant’s death.
b) Former presidential candidate Sen. John Kerry, who they blame on being weak on terrorism.
c) Homosexuality, which they say is rampant in Massachusetts and which they blame for the Sept. 11 attacks.
d) The Catholic Church, which they blame for sexually abusing thousands of parishioners.

21) Rev. Chan Chandler, preacher at the East Waynesville Baptist Church in North Carolina, kicked nine congregants out of his church for what offense?

a) Working on the Sabbath
b) Drinking alcohol
c) Voting for John Kerry
d) Allowing their daughters to have abortions


22) Calling it all a “great misunderstanding,” Rev. Chandler resigned from his post how many days later?

a) 14
b) 10
c) 7
d) 2



ANSWERS:
1) D
2) C
3) B
4) A
5) E
6) B
7) C
8) E
9) D
10) A
11) A
12) B
13) C
14) D
15) E
16) C and D
17) C
18) D
19) A
20) C (and no, Staff Sgt. Piper wasn’t gay)
21) C
22) D

Mission Statement

In the beginning, God created heaven and earth. And it was good. Really, really good. We all know the story. Life on earth was paradise, God gave us everything we could ever need to live in perpetual bliss and then Eve got a hankering for the fruit from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil and bang everything went to hell in a hand basket after that.

The thing is, humans are intrinsically flawed. Whether you believe in the “original sin” or not, no one can argue that we don’t all have a little (or a lot) of darkness in our souls. We can be selfish, unimaginably cruel, greedy, deceitful, lustful, judgmental, uncaring and ruthless. That’s the short list, but you get the gist. Open any history book and man’s basically sinful nature is impossible to deny.

For many, spirituality is a source of solace and hope. It can help them navigate the turbulent waters of life and make sense of an increasingly chaotic and dangerous world. A relationship with God seems to give comfort during difficult days, direction and a moral code by which to live and the promise of eternal life to boot. Not a bad deal.

But you can’t measure morality by whether someone says they are religious or not. You never can know what is truly in another person’s heart, especially if that person is a politician. And anyway, there are plenty of genuinely kind, generous, honest, wonderful people who have no formal religious ties. They simply live by the Golden Rule: do unto others as you would have them do unto you. And even though it’s often repeated, it bears repeating again — some of the most heinous crimes in history have been committed in the name of God. Let’s not forget the Crusades, when European Christian rulers between 1096 and 1291 waged nine wars to win the Holy land from the Moslems, or the Inquisition, a religious court instituted by Pope Gregory IX in 1233 to investigate and punish heresy among Christians. And it’s not like the human race has changed much. Read today’s papers and you’ll find plenty of despicable crimes committed in the name of God.

Whether you are a Christian — Lutheran or a Methodist, an evangelical or a Presbyterian — does not mean that you’re a better or more moral person than a Buddhist, Unitarian or a Jew. If you believe in the Bible, then assuming God did create all of us in His image, that literally means when you come upon another person, you are looking into the eyes of God. Too bad most of us treat each other with so much disrespect and contempt. We’re His children and all of us have value. Come on, that’s just common sense. But these days, good old common sense and integrity are in short damn supply.

The trouble is, in recent years a strict fundamentalist view of Christianity has taken hold. But it’s got nothing to do with love, tolerance, compassion and humility, which many of us thought were cornerstones of the faith. Now, it seems, we are being slammed over the head by smug, judgmental so-called “Christians” who want to force their brand of the “Good News” down our throats — whether we like it or not. Have they read the same New Testament that we have?

These are the “Christians” who start foaming at the mouth when people wish them “Happy Holidays” rather than “Merry Christmas.” Of all of the horrific injustices going on in the world today, shouldn’t our moral outrage be directed at issues that truly matter? If you ran into Jesus Christ in Macy’s while Christmas shopping and said “Happy Holidays” to Him, do you think He’d pitch a fit? We think He’d say something like, “God bless you. I’m going to the nearest homeless shelter to distribute food. Would you like to come?”

These are the people who don’t want evolution taught to our children in public schools because, presumably, the mere mention of natural selection (not to mention the scientific method) will lead children to the path to hell. These are the same people who insist that they are “Pro-Life” while gleefully supporting the death penalty. These are the same people who see red when their towns won’t put up Nativity Scenes using public funds. Is it us or does it seem that these people have a little too much time on their hands?

These are the people who think it’s a moral victory when a pharmacist won’t dispense birth control pills because they feel that those pills promote promiscuity and worse than that, prevent conception. These are the people who are the least Christ-like among us. And are the most divisive. They aren’t fisherman of men, as Christ commanded. Nope, they dynamite the waters and move on.

Everyone should be able to freely practice their religion however they see fit (as long as they aren’t hurting anyone else) and that right must be respected and protected. Period. As clichéd as it sounds, that’s one of the things that makes America great — freedom.

But when a sect of pious, narrow-minded know-it-alls decides to cram down our collective throats their interpretation of God’s Will, then we’ve got a big, damn problem. And when these same people who hold themselves up as paragons of Christian virtue look down their noses at the rest of us take a fall and commit a big, fat, eye-popping sin, well, can you really blame us if we chuckle, just a little? Honestly, is there anything more stomach-turning than self-righteous hypocrites? And nothing gives us the heebie jeebies worse than when certain Christians question the wisdom of the separation of church and state. As it is, that wall has gotten way too porous for our comfort as it is.

It goes without saying, but assuming some of you are a little slow on the uptake, we aren’t attacking Christianity as a whole. Why would we? We’re from Christian families, although we’re sure our detractors will question that.

No, as far as we’re concerned, we’re shedding a little light on those who arrogantly profess to know God better than the rest of us and then screw-up royally and, in some cases, horribly. In our mind, these are the people who give Christ an undeserved black eye. They took a doctrine of peace, love thy neighbor and do unto other as you would have them do unto you and warped it into an ultra-conservative, regressive cult.

Perhaps this would be acceptable if they kept their religion to themselves. But instead they’ve turned it into a powerful political movement designed to oppress the rest of us who don’t happen to agree with their “traditional values,” embrace their “culture of life,” or obediently bow down to whatever other righteous-sounding catch phrase they throw in our faces.

And we don’t like it one bit.

Come on, if you’re going to wrap yourself up in a cloak of moral superiority and spout off the Ten Commandments, you’d better actually live by them. And if you don’t, expect a little scrutiny. It’s only fair.

So in this spirit, we give you “Holier than Thou,” a weekly test of your CQ: Your Christian Quotient.

These questions (and their answers) should make you laugh, cry, cringe, pound the table and could even send you screaming to your car where you’ll turn the engine on and make sure that garage door is shut real tight.

But at the same time, Holier Than Thou should also serve as a simple reminder that there is little good to be found with these self-professed Good Christians, and little that is right with the Religious Right.