Thursday, August 25, 2005

In the Beginning: Quiz #1

Welcome to the premiere installment of Holier Than Thou, your weekly quiz to how well you’ve been keeping up with what the Religious Right is really up to.

Now that we’ve established a few ground rules, it’s time for you test your CQ — your Christian Quotient.

While our “religious” friends might be wrapping themselves up nice and snug in the cloak of moral and spiritual superiority, their actions tell quite a different story.

Just how well have these Warriors for Christ been practicing what they preach? And how well have you been keeping up with what they are really up to?

It’s time to find out:

All work and no play makes Jack a dull Christian. Match these Warriors for Christ with their specific hobbies and extra-curricular activities.
1) Dennis Rader, former president of the Christ Lutheran Church congregation in Wichita, Kan.
2) Edgar Ray Killen, Baptist minister from Philadelphia, Miss.
3) Salvation Army Staff Maj. David Taube of Janesville, Wis.
4) Martin Jackson, a pastor in Louisville, Ky.
5) Carlos Valverde Romero, a minister in National City, Calif.

a) Foot Fetishist, who was arrested for kidnapping a woman, tying her to his bed, then stroking her feet.
b) Amateur Photographer, who was caught e-mailing pornographic photos of himself to a Florida detective posing as a 14-year old boy on the Internet.
c) Ku Klux Klan Leader, who recently was convicted of manslaughter in the killings of three Civil Rights workers in 1964.
d) Serial Killer, who eluded capture for 30-plus years under the “BTK” moniker.
e) Community Outreach Volunteer, who was convicted coercing women to have sex with by telling them it would protect them from the devil.

Match these Lambs of God with their arrests and/or criminal charges:
6) Sister Marilu Covani, a nun in Cherry Valley, Calif.
7) Jeffrey Devore, minister at the Brea Congregational Church in Calif.
8) “Born Again Virgin” and “Runaway Bride” Jennifer Wilbanks of Gainsville, Ga.
9) Bobby Sauls, Chief of the Sebree (Kentucky) Police Department and congregant of the General Baptist Church.
10) Warren Jeffs, President of the Fundamental Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints.

a) Sexual contact with a minor
b) Felony hit and run
c) Sending child pornography over the Internet
d) Conspiracy to produce methamphetamine
e) Making false statements to the police about being abducted and raped

Perhaps Jesus shouldn’t have kicked the moneychangers out of the temple after all — the Catholic Church could use their skills to deal with the flood of sexual abuse lawsuits they’ve been hit with. Match the Roman Catholic Diocese with the sexual abuse lawsuit settlement:
11) San Francisco
12) Stockton, Calif.
13) Orange County, Calif.
14) Lexington and Covington, Kentucky
15) Boston.

a) $21 million to settle 15 cases
b) $3 million to settle 1 case
c) $100 million to settle 87 cases
d) $120 million to settle more than 100 cases
e) $85 million to settle 552 cases

16) The Archdioceses of Boston is considering a proposal to keep priests working after retirement and to have them pay for their own nursing homes after announcing a $55 million shortfall in its pension fund. The church blamed the shortfall on which TWO of the following:

a) The high cost of sexual abuse lawsuits
b) The larger-than-expected number of retired priests
c) The longer-than-expected life spans of retired priests
d) A poor investment strategy
e) A dwindling take at the collection plate following the Boston Red Sox 2004 World Series Victory

17) Sen. Rick Santorum, R-Pa., wrote in a July 2002 column for Catholic Online, that the reason there were so many cases of clergy abuse in Boston was because of that city’s:

a) Large Catholic population
b) Large Irish population
c) Liberal politics
d) Corrupt politicians

18) Why did Bethany Christian Services adoption agency reject Sandy and Robert Steadman’s adoption request?

a) Because the couple was gay
b) Because the couple had a child who was gay
c) Because the couple was Jewish
d) Because the couple was Catholic
e) Because the couple were registered democrats

19) While still a Cardinal, Pope Benedict XVI said this children’s book can “deeply distort Christianity in the soul, before it can grow properly.” Which book was he referring to?

a) Harry Potter
b) The Cat in the Hat
c) Where the Wild Things Are
d) Everybody Poops

20) Demonstrators from the Westboro Baptist Church in Topeka, Kan., recently traveled to Marblehead, Mass. to stage a noisy protest at the funeral for Army Staff Sgt. Christopher Piper, who was killed fighting in Afghanistan. What were they protesting?

a) The administrations policies in Iraq, which they blame for the staff sergeant’s death.
b) Former presidential candidate Sen. John Kerry, who they blame on being weak on terrorism.
c) Homosexuality, which they say is rampant in Massachusetts and which they blame for the Sept. 11 attacks.
d) The Catholic Church, which they blame for sexually abusing thousands of parishioners.

21) Rev. Chan Chandler, preacher at the East Waynesville Baptist Church in North Carolina, kicked nine congregants out of his church for what offense?

a) Working on the Sabbath
b) Drinking alcohol
c) Voting for John Kerry
d) Allowing their daughters to have abortions

22) Calling it all a “great misunderstanding,” Rev. Chandler resigned from his post how many days later?

a) 14
b) 10
c) 7
d) 2

1) D
2) C
3) B
4) A
5) E
6) B
7) C
8) E
9) D
10) A
11) A
12) B
13) C
14) D
15) E
16) C and D
17) C
18) D
19) A
20) C (and no, Staff Sgt. Piper wasn’t gay)
21) C
22) D


At 5:20 AM, Blogger Joseph Smith, Jr. said...

Interesting blog. Enjoyed reading it.


Joseph Smith Jr.
Pearl of Great Price

At 10:11 AM, Blogger Christopher Nicholson-Sauls said...

It is an interesting blog, and does make a perfectly valid point... except for one thing. Note that #9 (Bobby Sauls) was cleared of all charges, and the accusing officials reprimanded for negligence (they charged him with posession for items locked in an evidence cabinet, and with conspiracy for setting up an undercover mole, all standard procedures).

Yes I'm being specific, no I'm not of the "Christian Right" -- not even Christian to begin with. However, I do know this man very well, and know that he doesn't belong among the other yahoos on this list.


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