Thursday, August 25, 2005

Politics from the Pulpit: Quiz #2

Welcome to today’s quiz, in which the Christian Right lays out its political objectives. We’ll learn how much it costs to buy a Vatican spy and about the man behind the FDA’s battle against the Morning After Pill.

So, how good is your CQ this week? It’s time to find out.

Match the Christian activist to his position on the pressing political issues of the day:
1) Moral Majority Founder Jerry Falwell:
2) Focus on the Family Founder James Dobson:
3) Ohio Restoration Project leader and First Christian Church of Canton, Ohio, Pastor Russell Johnson:
4) The Rev. Fred Phelps of the Westboro Baptist Church of Topeka, Kan.:

a) Urges his followers to “Vote Christian in 2008.”
b) Compares embryonic stem cell research to Nazi experiments on Holocaust victims.
c) Complains that public schools fail to teach that Hitler was an “avid evolutionist.”
d) Proclaims that, per the Bible, like murders, homosexuals should face the death penalty too.

While we are on the subject of the Fred Phelps of the Westboro Baptist Church of Topeka, Kan., complete the following statements that the Good Reverend has made relating to the Holocaust…
5) “Whatever righteous cause the Jewish victims of the 1930s-40s Nazi Holocaust had…”
6) “The American Jews…”
7) “The only true Jews…”
8) “The only true Nazis in this world…”

a) “…has been drowned in sodomite semen.”
b) “…are the real Nazis.”
c) “…are Christians.”
d) “…are fags.”

And while we are STILL on the subject of the Rev. Fred Phelps of the Westboro Baptist Church of Topeka, Kan., complete the following statements he has made about his fellow Christians…
9) “The Episcopal Church USA…”
10) “Topeka’s sodomite Mexican Catholic Church…
11) “Apostate Methodism…”
12) “Southern Baptists and Assembly of God churches…

a) “…is a cesspool of sodomite sin and crime.”
b) “…worship(s) bloody rectums.”
c) “…is being cursed by God in sending them sodomite heretics as pastors.”
d) “…are as much to blame as the out of the closet fag churches.”

13) Roman Catholic Priest Michael Sklucazek of St. Paul, Minn., denied Communion to more than 100 people on Pentecost Sunday because they were wearing:

a) T-shirts
b) Miniskirts
c) Rainbow-colored sashes
d) Yellow ribbons

14) According to recently released documents from the Polish government, Rev. Konrad Stanislaw Hejmo, a Polish priest and top member of the late Pope Joun Paul II’s entourage, regularly disclosed information on the Vatican with members of Communist Poland’s intelligence service in exchange for which TWO of the following:

a) A fancy Paris apartment
b) A BMW 320i
c) $12,500 in cash
d) Keeping details of his sexual past hidden from Vatican officials
e) Bottles of booze

15) In an effort to provide financial assistance to the devastated family of Dennis Rader, confessed BTK killer and past president of his Lutheran Church, Michelle Borin recently purchased the Rader home at auction for $30,000 over its accessed value. What is this Good Samaritan’s profession?

a) Pastor
b) Nursery school teacher
c) Church secretary
d) Strip club owner

16) Jeremy Kratzer and Ricky “Chase” Hobbs were recently sentenced to nearly two years in federal prison for burning a cross in the backyard of Deborah Edwards and her four children in an effort to drive them out of their predominantly white North Carolina neighborhood. What day did they carry out their attack?

a) New Years Day
b) Christmas Eve
c) Christmas Day
d) Easter
e) The Fourth of July

17) Greg Bess, a 41-year-old coal-mining contractor who plead guilty in 2001 to his role in a cross burning at the residence of the mother of a two-year-old biracial child, recently ran for mayor of Pratt, West Virginia. He came in:

a) First
b) Second
c) Third
d) Fourth

18) A sign in front of the Danieltown Baptist Church in recently read:
a) “Love the Sinner, Hate the Sin.”
b) “AIDS Kills Fags Dead.”
c) “The Koran Needs to be Flushed.”
d) “Jesus Saves, But Gretzy Scores on the Rebound.”

19) Which of the following can be said about Dr. W. David Hager, a prominent OB/GYN and George W. Bush-appointed board member of the Advisory Committee for Reproductive Health Drugs at the FDA who, as an Evangelical Christian, has played a key role in the successful fight against granting over-the-counter status to the “Morning After Pill.” He wrote a book suggesting women should seek relief from headaches and PMS by reading the scriptures more.

20) Dr. Hager refuses to prescribe contraceptives to his unmarried female clients.

21) Dr. Hager’s ex-wife, Linda Carruth Davis, says that the good doctor would pay her up to $2,000 in exchange for oral sex, and often videotaped their sexual encounters.

22) Ms. Davis (who considers herself a religious conservative) says that Dr. Hager repeatedly and coercively sodomized her over the course of their marriage.

23) Ms. Davis (now happily remarried to a Methodist minister) says that Dr. Hager justified his unwanted sodomizing activities by explaining that it was an unintentional bedroom accident — that he simply couldn’t feel the difference between vaginal and anal penetration.

24) In giving a recent sermon to supporters at Asbury College in Kentucky, Dr. Hager blamed the breakup of his marriage to Ms. Davis on: “Time spent ‘doing God’s will.’”

1) A
2) B
3) C
4) D
5) A
6) B
7) C
8) D
9) A
10) B
11) C
12) D
13) C
14) C and E
15) D (She’s the owner of Michelle’s Beach House)
16) D
17) B
18) C
19) TRUE
20) TRUE
21) TRUE
22) TRUE
23) TRUE
24) TRUE


At 8:27 PM, Blogger Bryn said...

I like the first two postings. I imagine there are no shortage of questions! Bloody Rectums... priceless.

At 1:59 AM, Blogger harvey said...

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C you there.

At 8:21 PM, Blogger 1EightT said...

Good write up dodge cummins


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