New Rules for “Disordered” Catholics Everywhere

While the rest of us have been caught up in the “Dancing with the Stars” finals, it seems that America’s Roman Catholic bishops have been busy confabbing in Baltimore. Among the results of their two-day shindig? How about some brand new, hot off the presses guidelines on gay and lesbian outreach.

This new “Ministry to Persons with a Homosexual Inclination” is designed for Catholics to allow gays and lesbians into their parishes — and even accept Communion — despite the Church’s beliefs that gays are sexually “disordered.” However, to do so, gay Catholics must follow a strict set of guidelines.

So today we simply ask you how well you know the rules of Gay Catholicism.

1). Is it a sin to be attracted to someone of the same sex?
A. Yes
B. No

2). If you’re gay, can you get married in the church?
A. Yes
B. No

3). Does the church support adoption by gay couples?
A. Yes
B. No

4). Can the children of gay Catholics be baptized?
A. Yes
B. No

5). Should gays be discouraged from telling others outside their close circle of friends and church members about their sexual orientation?
A. Yes
B. No


ANSWERS
1). No, it is NOT a sin to have gay feelings — only to act on those feelings.

2). No, the church does not support gay marriage

3). No, the church does not support gay adoption, but…

4). Yes, the children of gay couples can indeed be baptized into the church

5). And yes, the Church says that gays should remain closeted to all but their closest friends — not to mention avoiding the “lifestyle and values of a ‘gay subculture.’” (We assume that means no Barbra Streisand records, but we’re not really sure.)

But lest ye think that the Church is being hard on its gay members, the U.S. Conference of Catholic Bishops also took on straight people too. And for that, you’ll need to check back in this space tomorrow.