Happy Valentine’s Day!

On this February 14th, we at Holier Than Thou wish all of our readers a very Happy Valentine’s Day.

But, it probably comes as no surprise that the Conservative Christian movement has something else in mind for this day of romance and love.

1) So, instead of celebrating Valentine’s Day with the rest of us, thousands of Christian teens throughout this country will be celebrating WHAT instead?

A) A Day of Purity
B) Culture of Life Day
C) Celebrate Traditional Marriage Day
D) A Day of Family Values
E) Put the “Saint” Back in Valentine’s Day


2) You can assume that Christian teens will be forbidden from indulging in any carnal activities today (or any day for that matter) — what the Religious Right likes to call abstinence-only sex education programs. However, such programs have been met with mixed results.

According to research published in the Journal of Adolescent Heath, teens that take “abstinence pledges” do indeed wait longer to have intercourse for the first time, and have fewer sexual partners. But they are also much more likely than their non-pledging peers to:

A) Develop obsessive-compulsive disorders
B) Require treatment for depression
C) Get married prior to leaving high school
D) Engage in oral and anal sex


3) And while we hate to be the bearers of bad news, pledge-signing teens (who are obviously supposed to remain virgins until marriage) who do…well, fall off the wagon so to speak, are actually LESS likely to do what:

A) Use condoms
B) Be faithful to their partners
C) Continue attending church
D) Remain non-smokers



ANSWERS
1) A: What we call Valentine’s Day, Christian teens are celebrating as A Day of Purity. And on this annual Day of Purity, Christian teens around the country will be vowing to remain chaste until marriage by signing chastity pledges, writing letters to their local newspaper, hanging posters in the school cafeteria and going to special Bible study groups.

2) D: Yuck, but yes, it’s true. Kids who take abstinence pledges are more likely to engage in oral and anal sex than their non-pledging counterparts — obviously not the sort of behavior proponents of such abstinence programs are hoping for!

3) A: Yup, they won’t use condoms. And since the teens aren’t using condoms, their rate of sexually transmitted disease is nearly equal to their non-pledging peers. Perhaps basic sex education would have been a good idea after all...