Thursday, May 25, 2006

Pat, Pat and More Pat!

We mentioned last week that the Rev. Pat Robertson has been running us ragged with his seemingly endless barrage of bizarre statements and proclamations. And now comes this.

1. At the Christian Broadcasting Network website — CBN was founded by Robertson — readers are treated to some interesting insights into the reverend’s health regime. It reads: “Where does Pat find the time and energy to host a daily, national TV show, head a worldwide ministry, develop visionary scholars, while traveling the globe as a statesman? One of Pat’s secrets to keeping his energy high and his vitality soaring is his:

A. … age-defying protein shake.”
B. … morning prayer sessions with his wife that include meditation.”
C. … nightly habit of drinking one glass of red wine from a blessed vineyard in Jerusalem.”
D. … adherence to a strict vegetarian diet.”

2. And this “secret” of Pat’s also allows this man of the cloth to do something quite amazing. Because Pat partakes in this, he says he can:

A. Read minds
B. Leg press 2,000 pounds
C. Go without sleep for up to a week and still feel rested
D. Can cast out demons without feeling fatigued

1. A: According to the CBN website, “Pat developed a delicious, refreshing shake, filled with energy-producing nutrients.” Really. If Jesus exists, we’re sure that’s how He’d want Pat to spend his free time. Certainly, that’s a more valuable endeavor than caring for the impoverished and spreading God’s love.

2. B: Leg press 2,000 pounds, which would be a physical impossibility. Robertson is 76 years old and the current record stands at 1,335 pounds. Do the math. But then we thought it would be impossible for Robertson to continue saying and doing stupid things and he always seems to surprise us. It’s a miracle!


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